For lexiphiles*

To write with a broken pencil is… pointless

When fish are in schools, they sometimes… take debate

A thief who stole a calendar… got 12 months

The professor discovered his theory of earthquakes… was on shaky ground

The batteries were given out… free of charge

A dentist and a manicurist married… they fought tooth and nail

A will is… a dead giveaway

If you don’t pay your exorcist… you can get repossessed

With her marriage, she got a new name… and a dress

Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft… and I’ll show you a flat miner

You are stuck with your debt… if you can’t budge it

A boiled egg is… hard to beat

Police were called to a daycare centre where a three-year-old was… resisting a rest

Did you hear about the fellow whose whole left side was cut off?… He’s all right now

When a clock is hungry… it goes back four seconds

He had a photographic memory… which was never developed

Those who get too big for their britches… will be exposed in the end

Acupuncture… a jab well done

Source: Catena (as sent to me by my mum)

*Lovers of words

7 Responses to For lexiphiles*

  1. James Coakes April 27, 2012 at 5:36 pm #

    Some of those are very clever. Is there a name for the technique or style? They lend themselves very well to the Twitter format, although you’d not want to do too many or you’d have one of those feeds like the ones filled with quotes which seem a bit pointless.

    • jackiebarrie April 27, 2012 at 9:44 pm #

      Oh dear, I don’t know what they’re called and feel as though I ought to.

      It’s a good idea to include them on Twitter from time to time – thank you.

  2. Nick Gendler April 28, 2012 at 8:58 am #

    Dear oh dear Jackie, sinking to these depths is unwordy of you.

    • jackiebarrie April 28, 2012 at 9:52 am #

      In the words of the Jolly Green Giant, “ho ho ho!”

  3. janeyhevenbreak April 28, 2012 at 11:35 am #

    I like these – humour relies on an unexpected ending, and I’d not seen some of these before. I always intend to remember them to amuse people with, but like my memory for the punchline of jokes, it never happens.

    • jackiebarrie April 28, 2012 at 11:37 am #

      I seem to remember some research that showed men are better at telling jokes with punchlines, while women are better at telling funny stories, especially self-deprecating ones.

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