Tag Archives | networking

Oh no, not again…

Another day, yet another new networking group springs up in my local area, and I experience yet another networking nightmare.

This group facilitates up to 10% commission payments in return for referrals, in the hope that people who ‘give’ but don’t ‘gain’ will stay members after the first year. Fair enough. They meet fortnightly, in the evening, with a one-off £99 joining fee and £40 per month membership fee (so there’s no long-term tie-in), and a guarantee to refund any difference between money paid out and money earned.

So far, so good.

But the man sitting next to me introduced himself by saying: “Let’s swap cards.”

I asked: “Why?”

He put his card in front of me. I pushed it away slightly, and didn’t offer mine.

By then, other people had joined our table. He said: “Quick, business cards, let’s all pass them out like confetti!”

I said: “No thank you, my cards are precious. I only give them out for good reason.”

He heckled the speakers throughout the 1-minute speeches.

He pressed his knee against my thigh. I edged my chair away. He did it again. I moved again and glared at him. He apologised, but later, did it a third time.

I left early.

I think he’s planning to join the group. One thing I’m sure of – I won’t be!

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World’s worst speech

Another day, another networking group launches.

Nice venue. Nice breakfast. But then the regional director stood up and said: “I’m now going to bore you all to death about [Name of organisation] for 10 minutes.”

Oh no! That’s called ‘setting expectations’. He said it twice, and our expectations were well and truly set.

He went on to say: “I’ll try not to muff it…I’m going to sit down because I’m old and decrepit and need to support the weight of my stomach after breakfast.”

Trying to convince us to join: “You don’t have to bounce up and down like some other groups I could mention…This is networking for grown-ups…I don’t like people who think they’re better than anyone else…I’m looking for people to run clubs for me, because I don’t want to do it.”

And later: “I’ll probably cause a mass exodus when I tell you the cost of joining.”

How keen do you suppose his audience was at this point?

When talking about the rules & regulations of membership, he held up a little leaflet, and said: “Most members don’t even bother to read it which is why it’s so small. If you ask our members what the rules and regulations are, they look at you blankly.”

As a membership perk, he proffered a green plastic “leather-look” folder, and warned us that the magnetic button drops off and that we should buy our own Araldite to fix it.

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